Agony

I’m tired of being open in spirit, open in love and open in my heart; I get violated. Whenever I think I met the perfect stranger, they leave me empty and annihilated.

My heart is always bleeding. Forever seeping out the love I know better than to waste. I save just enough for myself, but you were that somebody else who stopped to bandage me up.

You knew that I loved you. You would study my soul through my eyes. You knew it was all real and found the comfort in my warmth. You knew you weren’t ready for me, but you kept taking whatever dropped. You poured a little back where you felt I needed it most, but I never stayed patched up. It would bust open again in your absence—you’d just leave me there.

There’s no way you could care.

I know parts of you still love me, but your ego is larger than this dimension. I know you want to speak, but there’s nothing you could say to fix it. Too long you left it like this, and the more you wait, the farther the road of resentment stretches. In the interim, you’re ripping me to shreds with your silence and avoidance.

There’s no way you could care.

All the cuts to my consciousness and scarceness of my air. I’m fighting for a cause that you will not reveal. While you ignore me, de-center me and watch me bleed out. As you dance into all the sunsets and rejoice to all the rises since we last spoke, I’m engulfed in your shadow of neglect and left with, “I Love You”.

There’s no way you could care.

Although, it hurts to see you okay; it feels good to know you are. I hope you’re growing. I hope you’re not destined to do this to someone else who risked loving you. The “forever and temporary” makes sense now. Forever you were placed to love me, however, never meant to consistently be there.

There’s no way you could care.

Who loves like this? Swoops in when I hit rock bottom, uplift me and leave me at a point where I now have all the tools to do better without you…

You love like this. You in fact care enough bc you know I’m not meant for you loving me like this, but it’s only you who knows this type of love. That’s why you give me this bc it’s all you got to give. There was nothing else but this; until you got me.

So how do we exist in this? Answer me! Do I just now go alone, I need a clue? Is it just me who will forever feel the absence in my heart, once fulfilled by a part of you? Is the ache really for you bc of what you choose?

The agony in the irony— are you bad for me or am I what’s not good for you?